Ashton's Behavior Plan

Why He's Hitting

He is almost certainly not choosing to misbehave. Three factors are stacking on top of each other:

1. Impulse Control Isn't There Yet At 3.5, the prefrontal cortex is deeply immature. 3-year-olds perform at chance levels on impulse control tasks. They can say the rule but cannot execute it when emotionally charged. This is neurological, not willful.
2. Confirmed Sensory-Seeking Nervous System OT evaluation confirmed: constant motion, hands in mouth (oral seeking), doesn't like buttons (tactile avoidance), hopping nonstop — mixed sensory processing profile. Children who don't get enough proprioceptive input will seek it through hitting and kicking. The hitting may not be anger — it may be his nervous system's fastest way to get deep-pressure feedback.
3. Sleep Debt Mimics ADHD At 9.5–10 hours, he's below the AAP minimum (10–13 hours). In young children, sleep debt doesn't cause drowsiness — it causes hyperactivity, aggression, impulsivity, and emotional volatility.
4. Wrestling with Wyatt Is a Clue Constant wrestling IS heavy proprioceptive input. Behavior is worse at daycare because at home he has a willing partner providing the sensory input his body needs. At daycare, he doesn't — so he hits and kicks kids who are NOT playing that game.
✅
OT evaluation completed — confirmed sensory processing profile. He's not too far off the mark overall. The main work is the daily sensory diet and routine changes below — consistent heavy work input at home and daycare.
Why "Go Run Outside" Makes It Worse
Running is an alerting activity — it raises nervous system arousal. What he needs are organizing activities (heavy work, resistance, deep pressure) that regulate the nervous system. That's why 5 minutes of outdoor running buys almost nothing.
Daily Schedule — Quick Reference
WhenWhat to Do
Bedtime Deep pressure routine, weighted blanket, lights out by 7:00–7:30 PM
Morning Wake-Up Joint compressions, burrito roll, bear hug
Morning 5–12 min Heavy work circuit with Wyatt (bear crawls, wall push-ups, crab walks, tug-of-war)
Breakfast Crunchy/chewy foods, thick smoothie through straw
Getting Dressed Compression shirt, joint compressions, sandwich squeeze
Car to Daycare Weighted backpack, chewy necklace, calming music
Drop-Off Tell teacher he's had heavy work; request break before first transition
Daycare (q 60–90 min) Proactive heavy work breaks (daycare implements)
Pickup Check Daily Behavior Report Card
After Daycare Physical play with heavy work emphasis
Dinner Narrate emotions, build vocabulary
Before Bed (5–10 min) Role-play scenarios with puppets, read "Hands Are Not for Hitting"
Action Items
Sleep

Fix the Sleep Deficit

Target: 11+ Hours Per 24 Hours

Every intervention below works better on a well-rested nervous system. This is foundational.

  • Move bedtime earlier. If he's waking at 6:30 AM and getting 9.5 hours, he's falling asleep around 9 PM. Move bedtime to 7:00–7:30 PM. If he naps at daycare, that counts toward the total.
  • If he's dropped the nap, he needs an even earlier bedtime (6:30–7:00 PM). Overtired children fight sleep more — earlier bedtime actually makes falling asleep easier.
  • Dim lights 1 hour before bed. No screens.
Bedtime Sensory Routine
  • Burrito roll — roll him tightly in a blanket, give firm squeezes
  • Joint compressions — firmly press down through each shoulder (10 rhythmic compressions), then elbows, wrists, hips, knees, ankles
  • Weighted blanket if he tolerates it
  • Read a book in a calm voice

Track sleep for 2 weeks. Write down exact bedtime, wake time, and nap duration. Even 30 more minutes per night can produce noticeable behavioral improvement within 1–2 weeks.

Morning

Morning Sensory Loading Routine

25-Minute Heavy Work Circuit (The Main Event)

This is the single highest-impact change. Right now he arrives at daycare with an empty sensory tank. His nervous system immediately starts seeking, and the only tools he has are his hands and feet on other children.

You have 1.5–2 hours between wake-up and leaving at 8:20 AM. Do this WITH Wyatt — they both benefit, and it replaces unstructured wrestling with structured resistance.

Minutes 1–5: Wake-Up Deep Pressure
  • Joint compressions — firmly press down through each shoulder 10x, then elbows, wrists, hips, knees, ankles
  • Roll him in his blanket into a "burrito" — give firm squeezes along his body
  • Bear hug: hold him firmly for 15–20 seconds
Minutes 5–12: Heavy Work Circuit (WITH Wyatt)
  • 10 bear crawls across the living room — make it a race
  • 10 wall push-ups (hands on wall, push HARD, hold 5 sec) — "Let's push the wall down!"
  • Crab walk from living room to kitchen
  • "Push the couch" game — both boys try to push the couch (barely moves, but effort is the point) — 30 sec
  • Wheelbarrow walk to the bathroom — you hold his ankles, he walks on hands — take turns with Wyatt
  • Tug-of-war with a towel — him vs. Wyatt
  • Carry something heavy to the breakfast table (jug of milk, stack of plates)
Minutes 12–18: Breakfast with Sensory Input
  • Crunchy/chewy foods: toast with peanut butter, apple slices, carrot sticks, chewy granola bar, bagel
  • Thick smoothie through a straw (sucking = oral motor input)
  • Avoid instantly-dissolving foods (sugary cereals) — zero proprioceptive input
Minutes 18–22: Getting Dressed with Deep Pressure
  • Snug-fitting compression shirt under regular shirt (no buttons)
  • Another round of joint compressions (faster — 5 per joint)
  • "Sandwich squeeze" — lie face down on bed, pillow on top, press down firmly 10 sec, repeat 3x
Minutes 22–25: Transition to Car
  • He carries his own backpack (add a water bottle for weight)
  • 5 big jumps off the front step, or hop to the car
  • In the car: chewy necklace or crunchy snack for the ride
  • Calming music, NOT screens

At Drop-Off: Tell the teacher: "He's had his morning heavy work. He should be regulated for about 60–90 minutes. Can you give him a heavy work break before his first transition?"

Oral Sensory Tools

His hands-in-mouth behavior is his nervous system telling you what it needs:

  • Chewy necklace (silicone chew pendant) — he wears this to daycare every day
  • Crunchy/chewy snacks packed for daycare: dried mango, pretzels, apple slices, bagel pieces, carrot sticks. Chewing provides 15–20 minutes of organizing input.
  • At home: offer chewy or crunchy snacks before challenging moments
For Teachers

What Daycare Should Do

Replace Running with Heavy Work (RED / GREEN / BLUE)

RED — Alerting Running, chase, tag — these RAISE arousal. This is what we're doing now. It's making things worse.

GREEN — Organizing Heavy work, pushing, carrying, wall push-ups, animal walks — these REGULATE. This is what he needs.

BLUE — Calming Deep breathing, weighted blankets, slow rocking — these lower arousal.

When he hits, instead of "go run outside," try:

  • "Let's go do 10 wall push-ups together"
  • "Can you help me carry these books to the shelf?"
  • "Let's go to the calm-down corner and do some squeezes"

Proactive Sensory Breaks (Every 60–90 Min)

Schedule these BEFORE dysregulation — not after hitting.

  • "Animal walk parade" as a group activity (bear crawls, crab walks, frog jumps — 2–3 min)
  • Group wall push-ups: "Let's push the wall down! Push for 10 seconds!"
  • Assign him "heavy helper" jobs: carry snack bin, push book cart, stack chairs, move mats
  • Yoga poses before circle time (downward dog, warrior — weight-bearing on arms)
Equip his seat and workspace:
  • Resistance bands tied around front legs of his chair — push/pull with feet during seated activities
  • Weighted lap pad (2–3 lbs) during circle time and table work
  • Wiggle cushion on his chair
Crunchy/chewy snacks before challenging activities:
  • Before circle time or extended seated activity: apple slices, pretzels, dried fruit
  • 15–20 minutes of organizing input from chewing alone

Transition Support (Major Trigger)

  • Advance warnings: "5 minutes... 2 minutes... 1 minute..."
  • Visual timer (Time Timer clock — makes time concrete)
  • First/Then board: "FIRST circle time, THEN playground"
  • Give him a transition JOB: "You're the door holder" or "You carry the book basket" (proprioceptive input + sense of control)

Sensory Tools Available at All Times

  • His chewy necklace
  • Calm-down corner with: body sock, weighted blanket, crash pad (pile of pillows to fall into safely), playdough, breathing cards
  • The calm-down corner is NOT punishment — teach him to use it proactively

Daily Behavior Report Card

Unified tracking between home and school:

  • Track 2–3 positive target behaviors (NOT "didn't hit" — instead: "used gentle hands," "used words when frustrated," "followed transition directions")
  • Teacher rates 2–3 times daily with smiley faces or stickers
  • Sends home daily
  • At home: specific labeled praise — "Your teacher said you used gentle hands all morning!"
  • If enough stickers → small reward (extra story, choosing dinner — NOT screen time)
  • Review weekly and adjust targets
Evening

Evening Routine

Nightly Role-Playing (5–10 min at Bedtime)

Role-playing builds neural pathways for replacement behaviors before he needs them in real time.

  • Use puppets or stuffed animals (he is NOT the "bad guy" — the puppet is)
  • "Oh no, Bear took Bunny's truck! Bunny is SO angry! What should Bunny do?"
Practice exactly 3 replacement behaviors:
  1. Stomp feet and say "I'm MAD!" (proprioceptive input + verbal expression)
  2. Go tell a teacher: "He took my toy!" (seeking help)
  3. Take 3 dragon breaths (smell the flower in through nose, blow out the candle through mouth)
  • Practice EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for at least 2–3 weeks
  • Make it fun — silly voices, let him be the teacher
  • Use the Daily Report Card to rehearse actual scenarios from that day

Emotion Coaching (All Day, Especially Evening)

A child who can say "I feel furious!" is less likely to hit. Naming the feeling activates the prefrontal cortex and dampens the amygdala's fight response.

The 5 steps:
  1. Notice his emotions (even subtle ones)
  2. See emotional moments as teaching opportunities (NOT problems to shut down)
  3. Listen and validate: "You're really angry right now. I can see that."
  4. Help him name it: "That feeling is called frustration. Your body feels hot and tight."
  5. Set limits while problem-solving: "It's okay to feel angry. It's NOT okay to hit. Let's figure out what you can do instead."
Build emotional vocabulary:
  • Emotions poster on the wall (faces showing mad, sad, happy, scared, frustrated, excited)
  • Narrate YOUR OWN emotions: "I'm feeling frustrated because the jar won't open. I'm going to take a deep breath."
  • When watching anything together, pause: "How is that character feeling? How can you tell?"

"Hands Are Not for Hitting" — Read Daily

  • "Hands Are Not for Hitting" by Martine Agassi (board book, ages 1–4) — positive framing of what hands ARE for
  • "Feet Are Not for Kicking" (same series)
  • Read both every morning before daycare or at bedtime
  • Don't just read — pause and ask: "What are hands for?" "What should you do when you feel angry?"
  • Have the daycare read the same books
Tracking

Monitoring Progress

Weekly Review

  • Review the Daily Behavior Report Card with daycare every Friday
  • Count hitting/kicking incidents per day — you need a baseline and a trend
  • Note which specific situations trigger incidents (transitions? free play? after lunch?)
  • Adjust sensory diet timing based on when incidents cluster

What to Expect

Week 1–2
Building new routines. Behavior may not change yet. That's normal.
Week 2–4
If morning sensory routine and sleep changes are working, you should see a reduction in morning incidents. Afternoons may still be hard (the morning loading wears off).
Month 1–2
Role-playing should start showing up in real behavior ("I saw him stomp his feet instead of hitting today").
Month 3–6
With consistent intervention across home and school, significant reduction in hitting/kicking. Some bad days will still happen — that's normal development, not failure.

Red Flags — When to Escalate

  • No improvement after 6–8 weeks of consistent implementation
  • Behavior intensifies rather than decreases
  • New behaviors emerge (self-harm, extreme tantrums >25 minutes, unprovoked aggression with hostile intent)
  • The daycare is discussing removal

If any of these happen: push for a developmental-behavioral pediatrician evaluation. Wait times can be 3–12 months.

Reference

Additional Resources

PCIT (Parent-Child Interaction Therapy)

Gold-standard evidence-based treatment for preschool aggression (d=1.65 effect size, 150+ studies). Worth considering if the daily routine changes aren't enough on their own.

A therapist coaches you in real-time through an earpiece while you interact with your son. Two phases: Child-Directed Interaction (PRIDE skills — Praise, Reflection, Imitation, Description, Enjoyment) and Parent-Directed Interaction (clear commands, consequence protocol).

  • Duration: 14–16 weeks, weekly 60-minute sessions
  • Cost: Covered by most insurance (~$150/session)
  • Find a provider: PCIT International provider directory at pcit.org

Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA)

If hitting persists, an FBA identifies the specific function of the behavior. Without knowing the function, every intervention is a guess.

The four possible functions:
  1. Sensory — hitting provides proprioceptive input his body craves (most likely)
  2. Escape — hitting gets him out of an activity he doesn't want
  3. Attention — hitting gets peer or teacher attention
  4. Tangible — hitting gets a toy another child has

Request through the school district or a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA). FBA-based interventions can reduce problem behaviors by up to 90%.