30 Minutes Before Lights Out
Three parts: wind-down deep pressure, role-play with puppets, and deep pressure sleep prep. If bedtime is 7:00 PM, start at 6:30.
| Time | What |
|---|---|
| 6:00 PM | Dim lights, screens off for the night |
| 6:30 PM | Wind-down deep pressure |
| 6:35 PM | Role-play with puppets |
| 6:45 PM | Books |
| 6:50 PM | Deep pressure sleep prep |
| 7:00 PM | Lights out |
Adjust times to your actual bedtime. The sequence and spacing matter more than the exact clock time.
6:00 PM — Lights Down, Screens Off
- Dim the lights in the main living areas
- No screens from this point forward (TV, tablet, phone)
- Not a punishment, just the signal that the house is winding down
- Quiet play is fine (blocks, coloring, Legos, puzzles)
6:30 PM — Wind-Down Deep Pressure (5 min)
Transitions his nervous system from "go" mode to "slow" mode. Do this on his bed or the living room floor.
Joint compressions (2 min)
- Press down firmly through each shoulder, 10 slow rhythmic pushes
- Then elbows, wrists, hips, knees, ankles
- Slower pace than the morning version. Calming, not energizing.
Burrito roll
- Wrap him snug in a blanket, tuck it tight
- Firm squeezes from shoulders to feet
- Hold 10-15 seconds, unwrap, repeat once more
Sandwich squeeze
- Lie face down on the bed, pillow on top
- Press down firmly for 10 seconds, release, repeat 3x
- Calm voice, slow movements
6:35 PM — Role-Play with Puppets (10 min)
Setup
- Grab 2-3 stuffed animals or puppets (whatever you have)
- Sit on the bed or floor together
- Wyatt can participate or not. If he does, let him play the teacher sometimes.
How It Works
You act out a short scenario with the stuffed animals. Ashton tells the puppet what to do instead of hitting.
Scenarios to Rotate Through
| Scenario | What You Say |
|---|---|
| Someone takes his toy | "Bear grabbed Bunny's truck! Bunny is SO angry! What should Bunny do?" |
| Someone won't share | "Bunny wants the blocks but Bear won't share. Bunny's body feels really hot and mad!" |
| Someone bumps him | "Bear bumped into Bunny at circle time. Bunny wants to push him back!" |
| Has to stop playing | "Teacher says clean up but Bunny doesn't want to stop. He's SO frustrated!" |
| Someone says something mean | "Bear told Bunny he can't play. Bunny's feelings are hurt and he feels angry." |
Use the daily report card to rehearse scenarios that actually happened that day.
The 3 Replacement Behaviors (Always These Same 3)
1. Stomp feet and say "I'm MAD!"
Out loud, with feeling. Let him really stomp. This gives proprioceptive input AND verbal expression.
2. Tell a teacher: "He took my toy!"
Practice the actual words. "Use your words" is too vague for a 3.5-year-old. He needs the exact script.
3. Take 3 dragon breaths.
Smell the flower in through the nose (big inhale). Blow out the candle through the mouth (slow exhale). Do all 3 together.
Keeping It Fun
- Silly voices for the puppets
- Let him be the teacher sometimes ("Okay Ashton, YOU be the teacher. What do you tell Bunny?")
- Celebrate when he gets it right ("YES! Bunny stomped his feet instead of hitting!")
- If he says "Bunny should hit Bear back," just say "Hmm, what else could Bunny try?" and guide him to one of the three
- Keep it light. This is play, not a lesson. The moment it feels like homework, he'll check out.
6:45 PM — Books (5 min)
Read one or both of these every night.
- "Hands Are Not for Hitting" by Martine Agassi (board book version)
- "Feet Are Not for Kicking" (same series)
Don't just read straight through. Pause on each page and ask.
- "What are hands for?" (wait for his answer)
- "What should you do when you feel angry?"
- "What does Ashton do with his hands?" (let him tell you the good things)
The goal is that "hands are not for hitting" becomes a phrase he hears in his head automatically.
6:50 PM — Deep Pressure Sleep Prep (10 min)
Final wind-down. His body should be calm and heavy by the end.
Weighted blanket
- If he tolerates it, put it on for the rest of the night
- If he doesn't like it, skip it. Don't force it.
Joint compressions, slow version
- Same as earlier but slower, quieter, gentler
- 5 per joint instead of 10
- Whisper-count
Burrito roll one more time
- Wrap tight, firm squeezes, hold
- Some kids want to fall asleep in the burrito. That's fine.
Minimal talking from this point. If he wants to chat, keep responses short and quiet. You're modeling the energy level you want him to match.
7:00 PM — Lights Out
Target: asleep by 7:00-7:30 PM. If he wakes at 6:30 AM, that's 11-11.5 hours. If he naps at daycare, the total across 24 hours should be 11+.
If he fights bedtime
- Don't engage in long negotiations. "It's bedtime. I love you. Goodnight."
- If he gets out of bed, walk him back calmly and silently. No conversation, no scolding, just a gentle walk back. Repeat as needed.
- Earlier bedtime often makes this easier, not harder. Overtired kids fight sleep more.
- The deep pressure routine should help. A regulated nervous system falls asleep faster.
Emotion Coaching (All Day, Especially Evening)
This isn't a scheduled block. It's how you respond to emotions whenever they come up. Evenings are when kids are most tired and most emotional, so you'll get a lot of practice.
When you see any emotion (even a small one)
- Name it. "You look frustrated right now."
- Validate it. "It makes sense that you're mad. That's a hard feeling."
- Set the limit if needed. "It's okay to feel angry. It's not okay to hit. What can you do instead?"
- Praise replacement behaviors. "You stomped your feet and said you were mad! That's exactly what to do."
Build His Vocabulary
- Narrate your own emotions out loud. "I'm feeling frustrated because dinner is taking forever. I'm going to take a deep breath."
- Pause during shows. "How is that character feeling right now? How can you tell?"
- Emotions poster on the wall somewhere he sees it at dinner (faces showing mad, sad, happy, scared, frustrated, excited)